Photo: Upsplash
By Merle Massie, Executive Director of The Do More Agriculture Foundation
Rural communities often know a lot about what's happening in one another's lives. We may know who's behind on loan payments and whose marriage is rocky. Yet, we don't always connect the dots until it's too late. Suicide researchers encourage us to watch for changes in individual behaviour. I think we have another advantage in rural areas: we often know something about the circumstances surrounding those changes, too.
Over time, I've come to recognize rural and farm risk factors that, on their own, may not tell us much about someone's risk. Most of us experience some of these challenges at different points in our lives. When several of the following factors stack up together at the same time in the same person, I’ve found that it's worth paying real attention and checking in.
This isn't a diagnostic checklist or a substitute for professional mental health support. It's simply some signs I’ve learned to notice — and maybe this list can help you be the neighbour, friend, or family member who sees the heavy weight and steps forward to say something. When people are in the midst of a storm of hopelessness, loss, grief, shame, pain, or fear, your kind words and willingness to listen can be the light that they need.
Factors worth watching:
Recent major relationship change or loss.
Divorce, a breakup, death of a spouse or farm decision-maker. Losing a parent, particularly if you farmed together and they led decisions, can be especially difficult, even in adulthood. Loss and change can unravel a person's sense of who they are, why they live the life they do, and where they belong. When someone is unmoored from their previous relationships, that’s a big flag. If you can reach out during these times of grief and change, that can help.
Legal trouble or a criminal investigation.
Facing charges, a lawsuit, or an investigation, or asking for pardon or forgiveness, brings a specific kind of shame and fear — the sense that your reputation and standing in a tight-knit community may be damaged beyond repair. It’s the unknown that drives a lot of fear, and the feeling that your life or outcome is in someone else’s hands. Feeling trapped in a situation that is impending and uncontrollable can add to suicide risk. When you reach out with support and care, it matters.
Something messy or shameful that impacts the farm.
An affair, a bad business decision, family theft, a lawsuit with a neighbor, losing a driver’s license — anything that threatens the livelihood, public image, and/or family name can become a huge burden. Shame can contribute to suicide risk, and in rural communities, we may have a sense or know who might be in the middle of a shame storm — even when we don't know the full story. Offering compassion can help with shame.
A condition, physical or mental, that isn't improving.
Chronic pain, a degenerative diagnosis, treatment-resistant depression, bipolar disorder, postpartum depression. It's both the diagnosis and the exhaustion of living with the condition, with no end in sight. Hopelessness with no improvement in sight is a major suicide risk factor. Reassurance, and making sure that they do not feel like a burden, can help.
Loneliness.
Being single can be great, but research has identified being unmarried as a risk factor for suicide. Relationship status, however, doesn’t tell the whole story. People can experience loneliness within a relationship or family, while someone who is single may have a strong sense of connection and support through friends and community. Life can sometimes feel harder when we don’t have others to share what we’re going through with, and feeling disconnected from others can be a factor when someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts. ‘Who will miss me?’ can be a difficult question to sit with. Together is a good place to be.
Lack of belonging.
Suicide researchers also study what’s known as ‘thwarted belonging’ and it’s different from loneliness. It’s when someone feels like they don’t belong. Maybe someone has decided to change their entire farm practice and all the neighbors are laughing and pointing fingers. Maybe they’re raising goats and making soap and are surrounded by massive commercial agriculture in every direction, with no peers for support. Maybe they don’t share the same political views or ethnic background as their neighbours. Maybe they identify as queer and are tormented, bullied or shunned.
Feeling excluded or unwelcome can contribute to suicide risk. In rural communities, we may notice who is being excluded, but we can’t always know how welcome or accepted someone feels. It’s worth checking in and ensuring that people feel like they belong.
Strong, silent type.
There’s a known thread in rural suicides – particularly in men, though not exclusively
– where the very tendency to be independent and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps can get us into real trouble. Being unwilling to ask for help, even when it’s excruciating to call a neighbour if your tractor is stuck, is a known risk factor. The person who never darkens the door of a health clinic or hospital, even when they’re truly hurt? That can be a clue. When you pride yourself on not needing anyone else, you may find yourself with no one to turn to for help. Pay attention to those who take pride behind a strong, silent exterior. When someone who sees themselves as strong and independent feels trapped with nowhere to turn, suicide risk rises. Check in on the tough ones – sometimes, that little nudge makes a difference.
Struggles with alcohol or drugs.
Substances are so often used to ease hard days, anxiety, and edginess. They can also make these problems worse. If you drop over for coffee and there is whiskey or beer on offer first thing in the morning, that can be a sign of something going on. Hidden behind the common rural drinking culture is a tough reality: suicide research shows that alcohol lowers inhibition and is found in a high proportion of people who die by suicide. Moderating your own behaviour, and naming the risks, might be an option.
A farm in trouble.
There's a particular weight to financial hardship, since at its extreme, someone could lose the farm. What makes this strain worse is when a farmer believes they caused it — a bad gamble on equipment, a missed market window, a seeding disaster, a choice that didn't pan out. Guilt and self-blame compound an already difficult situation. The prospect of losing a multi-generation family farm can be especially hard, and is a reason to check in. We are (each of us) more than our farms; sometimes, being reminded will help.
Major family disruption.
Most Canadian farms remain family-run, which can bring its own set of challenges. A fight that splits generations, a rift over inheritance, a farm split, troubled or absent succession planning, disagreements over how the operation should be run, or an estrangement can all put significant strain on a family. Family is often a primary support structure in rural life; when those relationships fracture, people can lose an important part of their personal safety net, adding to an already difficult situation. Community can be family when family is breaking.
Trauma that caused a visible change.
An accident, a death on the property, a natural disaster, or a violent event. Watch for changes in someone after they have been through something significant. Some traumas are not public; others, we know. They may seem withdrawn, harder, or eerily calm in a way that doesn’t fit their usual behaviour. Trauma can increase suicide risk, particularly alongside other challenges. Reach out, not just right after, but in the months to come, too. .
Access to lethal means.
We don’t talk about this fact enough. Access to lethal means is an important factor in suicide risk. Farmers and rural residents often have ready access to firearms, chemicals, or equipment that can be deadly, and most are very familiar with using them. On a farm, a firearm may be seen as a practical tool for dealing with a sick cow or old dog or marauding coyote. That familiarity makes it especially important to consider access to lethal means when someone is at risk of suicide. Research in Canada has found that firearm suicide deaths are more common in rural and remote areas than in large urban centres. Access to lethal means is the difference between thoughts of suicide, and taking action when the pain is unbearable. Naming the risk, and offering to take the guns for a short period of time, are all possible actions.
It’s the combination that matters
Any one of these situations, on its own, is common for many people who are otherwise resilient. What changes the picture is the accumulation: the neighbour going through a divorce AND drinking more AND dealing with a herd expansion decision that didn't pay off this year AND no longer talking to his sister and business partner. Each item adds weight to an already heavy load. Too many of these heavy weights together can leave someone feeling overwhelmed financially, relationally, and emotionally.
I’ve developed this list by reflecting on my own life, consulting suicide research from Canada and around the world, and thinking about people that I’ve known who died by suicide. Much suicide prevention work focuses on individual signs and clues. This list reflects what we may be more likely to know when we live in rural communities: what people are saying, what’s happening in their lives, and how those things fit together. Taken together, they can help us recognize when someone may be struggling. And, that gives us the insight to know when to check in.
How much we carry can make us unable to go on, unable to feel or find hope. When the pain feels unbearable and someone can no longer see a way forward, it can be difficult to imagine things getting better. In those moments, combined with access to lethal means, a person can move with heartbreaking and blinding speed from thoughts of suicide to action.
What to do:
Noticing is awareness. Saying something is action. If you see a few of the examples above converging on someone you know, here are some ways you can help:
Reach out directly and ask. "I've noticed you're going through a rough stretch. How are you really doing?" Being honest can open a more meaningful conversation than "Let me know if you need anything” which puts all the solution work on them. Be brave. Ask.
Stay and listen. It’s not about solving their problems or cheerleading them through it. Listening without judgement and giving them space to talk can be a real gift.
Ask directly about suicide. . Don’t be afraid to ask whether they’re thinking about suicide. It doesn't plant the idea; it can open the door to an honest conversation. You might say: “That’s a lot to carry. I want to know, are you thinking about suicide?” Give them space to answer, and listen without judgement.
Stay connected. Follow up more than once. People who are struggling may worry about being a burden or may find it difficult to reach out. Stay the course, by their side. Keep checking in, especially if the circumstances affecting them are ongoing.
Know the resources in your area. That might be a local pastor, counsellor, clinic, or call line. Put those numbers on your phone, right now, so you’re ready when someone needs support. Rather than simply pointing them towards help, offer to walk alongside them. When they’re ready, you could make the call together.
Thanks for reading. Remember, this is my list, not an expert list. It’s not perfect. You might have something to add. It’s what I’ve learned the hard way. I hope it helps you.
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If you or someone you know is struggling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by call or text, 24/7. The National Farmer Crisis Line in Canada is 1-866-327-6701. Find provincial crisis and other resources at domore.ag/crisis-contacts.