What Does Help Look Like?
Source: Unsplash
By Merle Massie
One of the things we hear most often when it comes to mental health is “I don’t know what to do” followed closely by “I don’t know what to say” and “I’m scared that I’ll make it worse.”
Guess what: we’ve got you. We’ve collected some tried-and-true things that each of us can do when supporting someone we know or love who is living with symptoms related to a mental health diagnosis.
Your job is simple: be there. Be consistent, supportive, and welcome so your person (family member, neighbor, friend) feels less alone.
Here are 10 things people living with mental illness often wish their friends and family would do:
1. The Low-Pressure Check-In
Send a text that does not demand an answer. Instead of "How are you?" (which can feel like an essay question), try: "Thinking of you. No need to reply, just wanted to say hi." These words offer connection without pressure.
2. Keep Inviting, Keep Welcoming
Even if they’ve said "no" the last five times, keep asking. Symptoms of mental illness can make someone feel incredibly lonely. When invitations stop, it can feel like being written off for something they cannot control. Knowing they are still welcome, whenever they're well enough to return, matters.
3. Double up for chore time
Sometimes even the smallest chores can feel like climbing Everest. Offer to do everyday tasks with them. It can give them the lift they need to get things done.
"I’m going to the grocery store, want to come along?"
"I’ll come over and hang out. I love folding laundry, or just visiting."
4. Stay within the listen
When someone shares their pain, our instincts can sometimes take us off track. We cheerlead (“You’ve got this! Tomorrow is a new day!”). We take over the spotlight (“That sounds like the time that I…”). Or, we immediately offer solutions (e.g., "Have you tried yoga?"). Instead, stay within the listen.
The Magic Phrase: "That sounds incredibly hard. I’m so glad you told me. Tell me more."
5. Expect the Off Days
If they cancel plans last minute, try not to take it personally or add guilt. A simple, "I totally understand, we’ll catch up when you're feeling up to it," helps reduce shame and removes pressure.
6. Take the Casserole
Rural people are great at showing up with food. We do it for new babies, grieving families, and all kinds of health reasons. Drop off a favorite snack, frozen pizza, casserole or coffee. Leave it on the porch if they aren't up for a visit.
7. Bring them your stories
Being sick can be isolating, and they may feel left out of what’s going on. Share your stories—something funny, neighbourhood news, or what you’ve been watching. Stories offer connection, distraction, and a sense of belonging.
8. Do your homework
Learn about their specific diagnosis. Understanding symptoms helps clarify that depression is not just sadness, and anxiety is not just stress. Learning builds empathy, and removes pressure for them to explain everything.
A note of caution: stay within your lane. Not every social media “quick fix” or influencer solution is reliable. If it were that simple, your person likely wouldn’t be ill.
9. Life Navigator
If they are overwhelmed, offer to help with the logistics of life.
"Do you need me to look up the phone number for that clinic?"
“I can take your kids to sports this week, and we can figure out next week together if that’s helpful.”
"I can remind you about appointments, so you’re not doing that alone.”
10. Stay the Same Friend
The most important thing is to remember they are still the person you love—the illness is something they live with, not something that defines them. Keep walking beside them. Keep your inside jokes, talk about your shared interests, and treat them with the same respect you always have.
One more thing to offer: sometimes, those who are on a tough journey need to connect with others who get it. Spaces like AgTalk, our online and anonymous connection space within the powerful site Togetherall provides a much-needed space to connect, find support, and even offer insight and support to others. It’s one more thing you can do: offer a trusted space that fuels a sense of belonging, community, and connection.