The Power of Showing Up: Peer Support in Action
Source: Unsplash
By Lesley Kelly
There was a time when I thought helping someone through a mental health struggle required expertise, training, the right words and the perfect response. And because I didn’t feel like I had any of that, I stayed quiet.
In our family, I watched people I love deeply struggle. My husband. My brother. My sister. I could see it in their faces, in their energy and in the way things changed over time. But I didn’t understand mental health or mental illness. I told myself, “I’m not qualified to help.” So I chose silence. Looking back, that silence didn’t protect anyone and it didn’t make things better. In fact, it created more distance, more isolation, and more weight on all of us, personally and on the farm. I think that’s where so many of us get stuck. We care and we notice, but we hesitate because we think we need to be experts.
One of the biggest myths when it comes to supporting someone’s mental health is that you need to have the answers. One of the biggest things I’ve learned is - you don’t. You don’t need to diagnose, fix or fully understand what someone is going through. What you can do, what actually matters and the biggest impact you can have on someone is show up. Peer support isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. It’s the text that says, “Hey, I was thinking about you.” It’s grabbing a coffee without an agenda. It’s sitting in the truck, the shop, or at the kitchen table and just listening. It’s choosing connection over silence. And sometimes, that’s enough to change everything.
The Cost of Silence
Silence often comes from a good place. We don’t want to say the wrong thing or make things worse. But silence can send a message we never intended. It can feel like no one notices, no one cares or that someone is completely alone. I’ve seen firsthand how silence can deepen the weight someone is carrying and I’ve also seen how even small moments of connection can begin to lift it. The truth is, we don’t need to get it right, we just need to not disappear.
A Moment I’ll Never Forget
There was a night at an event where a few of us were sharing our stories on a panel about mental health in agriculture. As I was speaking, I noticed a farmer standing at the back of the room. He didn’t sit down or move much, but you could tell he was feeling it. He was visibly upset throughout the session. After the event wrapped up and the room cleared out, he stayed. Eventually, he came up to me. He didn’t share his full story. He simply said, “You just saved my life. I’m going to go home and talk to my wife.” That moment has stayed with me. Because I didn’t “save” him in the way we often think. I didn’t have the answers and I didn’t fix anything. But in that moment, he felt seen. He felt heard. And maybe, for the first time in a while, he didn’t feel alone. Something in that room, people showing up, sharing honestly and creating space, gave him just enough to take the next step. And sometimes, that’s all someone needs. Those small moments of connection can mean more than we realize.
What Showing Up Actually Looks Like
When we talk about peer support, it can feel like a big, overwhelming concept. But in reality, it’s built on simple, everyday actions. It’s checking in with a quick message or a phone call and asking, “How are you really doing?” It’s listening without trying to fix or jump in with solutions. It’s being okay with uncomfortable conversations and not avoiding them because they’re hard. It’s noticing changes in someone’s energy, behaviour or presence and trusting your gut when something feels off. And it’s following up, because support isn’t a one-time check-in, it’s ongoing. None of these things require a degree or a title. They require courage and care.
“What If I Say the Wrong Thing?”
One of the biggest hesitations I hear is, “What if I say the wrong thing?” And that’s real. But what I’ve learned is that saying something, with kindness and empathy, is almost always better than saying nothing at all. It can be simple: “I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself lately. I just wanted to check in.” Or, “You don’t have to go through this alone.” Or even, “I don’t have all the answers, but I care about you and I’m here.” You’re not expected to have the perfect response. In fact, your willingness to show up imperfectly is often what matters most.
Building Confidence to Support Others
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I want to help, but I don’t feel confident,” you’re not alone. This is exactly why tools like the Talk Ask Listen workshop exist to take the guesswork out of these conversations and give you a place to start. Here’s what that can look like in real life:
Talk: Start the conversation
Recognize why we often don’t talk about mental health in agriculture because of: Shame, fear, withdrawal, bias, stereotypes and discrimination.
Remember: Mental health is a journey, not a destination
Silence can deepen struggle and shame thrives in silence - conversation and connection can open the door
You don’t need the perfect words, just the courage to start
Ask: Lean in with curiosity and care
Build your awareness and understanding of mental health. You can do this by leading with empathy and kindness and being curious. There are many online resources at domore.ag that can deepen our knowledge and increase our skills about mental health.
Keep it simple and real:
“I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself lately…”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Can you tell me more?”
“How are you really doing/feeling?”
Listen: Be present
You don’t need special training to be a good listener
Listening is active, not passive:
Be fully present
Stay curious
Avoid interrupting or jumping to solutions
Validate what you’re hearing:
“That sounds really heavy”
“I’m really glad you shared that with me”
“Can you tell me more…”
Sometimes, just sitting with someone is the most powerful thing you can do
It’s not about doing it perfectly; it’s about having a place to start. And the more we practice showing up for each other, the more natural and impactful itimpactful, it becomes.
Changing the Culture - One Conversation at a Time
In agriculture, we pride ourselves on being strong and resilient. But sometimes that strength shows up as silence. We’ve been taught to handle things on our own, to not burden others and to just keep going. But the reality is, we were never meant to do this alone. Changing the culture around mental health doesn’t happen overnight. It happens in conversations, in moments and in relationships. It happens when a neighbour checks in, when a friend asks the hard question, when a spouse opens up, or when someone simply listens without judgment. It happens when we stop waiting to be experts and start choosing to be present.
If You Take One Thing Away
If you take one thing away from this, let it be this: You don’t need to have all the answers to make a difference. You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to fully understand. You don’t need to fix it. You just need to show up. Because showing up tells someone they matter, that they’re seen, and that they’re not alone. And sometimes, that’s the turning point.
A Final Thought
I often think back to that farmer at the back of the room. He didn’t need a solution that night. He needed connection. He needed to feel understood. He needed a reason to take one more step forward. And that came from people simply being there. So if you’ve ever held back because you didn’t feel qualified, this is your friendly reminder: You are more capable than you think. Your presence matters. Your voice matters. And your willingness to reach out could be the thing that helps someone else keep going.
That’s the power of showing up.