007: Be Kind, Be Brave: Small Town Teens Tackle Stigma
In this episode, host Merle Massie connects with students at Queen Margaret’s School on Vancouver Island, to hear how a group of small-town teens is quietly transforming their school culture.
Student leaders, Oceana Jarvis, Delphine Koyote and Angela Feng, join Merle, along with former head of school David Robertson, to share how they lead the school’s lunch-hour Stigma-free Club meetings as a lifeline for new students, a refuge from loneliness, and a launchpad for real conversations about mental health.
These teens give talks on mental health and anti-bullying, fundraise for local charities, and build simple ways for students to feel seen and included. The idea is to set labels aside and build a school culture where difference is met with welcome and belonging.
Later, Merle is joined by Andrea Paquette, president and co‑founder of the Stigma-Free Mental Health Society, to zoom out to the bigger picture. Students often feel crushing pressure to fit in, and face long-held stereotypes about mental health. Paquette’s team created a Student Mental Health Toolkit for teens, parents and educators, along with a Rural Mental Wellness Toolkit designed for people living in small communities.
This episode explores a simple but radical idea: when teens lead the way and decide to be kind, be curious, and be brave, a stigma-free school isn’t just possible, it’s already happening.
How are things looking in your community? Whether you have thoughts on the show, or you’d like to be featured, let us know. Tell Merle what your community is doing for mental health – or, tell us about something you’ve done on your farm or ranch. Have you created something silly, fun, joyful, or built a place that brings people together on your land, send your e-mail or audio story to feedback@domore.ag.
We’ve included the full transcript below.
Podcast Transcript: Be Kind, Be Brave: Small Town Teens Tackle Stigma
Merle Massie 0:01
Hello. I'm Merle Massie, and on this episode of Hay Are We Okay? we check in with teenagers. Teenagers who know how hard it sometimes can be to make friends and fit in. They created a club where no one has to eat lunch alone, and where standing up for each other and for mental wellness is just what they do.
Delphine Koyote 0:26
I just kind of learned to be more open and accepting of others and of myself, to be kind and to not stigmatise, honestly, costs you nothing, and you feel like a better person, and the people around you feel like better people because of it.
Merle Massie 0:43
Choosing to be kind, to be brave and to show up. Just ahead, what happens inside Stigma-free Club? I'm Merle Massie, Executive Director of the Do More Agriculture Foundation. We are a national charity that cultivates a culture of mental well being within Canadian farming communities. And you know what? I'm also a farmer. So last year, I met three teenagers who were at Queen Margaret School on Vancouver Island. I need you to forgive me. It was my first interview for the podcast, so I was a touch rusty, but the teenagers were so articulate, as was their school principal, and I'm so grateful.
Queen Margaret School is a private independent school of just over 500 students. It's small, and it might be a bit different than what you're used to. These kids wear uniforms. Their school has horses. This would be an easy place for mean kids to make big waves. Instead, something else is happening at QMS.
David Robertson 2:07
So my name is David Robertson, and I have the great privilege of being the head of school here at Queen Margaret School in Duncan on Vancouver Island.
Oceana Jarvis 2:15
My name is Oceana Jarvis. I'm the captain of Stigma-free here at QMS with my co captain, Delphine, and I'm in grade 12.
Delphine Koyote 2:25
I'm Delphine Koyote. I am the other captain of the Stigma-free club here in the Cowichan Valley.
Angela Feng 2:31
Hi. My name is Angela Feng, and I'm a member of the Stigma-free Club. And I'm also currently in grade 12.
Merle Massie 2:38
What kind of school is QMS? Tell us why you came to this school.
Angela Feng 2:44
Um, the reason why I decided to come to the school is because we are a very tight community, to be honest. We are not like a school that has a lot a large number of people. I feel like this makes it easier to communicate with each other and make connections so we bond together more.
Delphine Koyote 3:06
I have seen like when I was first, starting Grade Eight, I knew everyone in my grade. I knew everyone in Grade Nine, and I knew everyone in the upper grades as well. Like we are such a small, tight knit community that we really just know everyone and are able to converse easily with each other, whether you're in Grade Eight or Grade 12 or whatever. And it it really is just such a kind place where we just yeah, value being together and going about our daily lives.
Merle Massie 3:44
How did the Stigma free-club start?
David Robertson 3:48
So the Stigma-free club started because when I was retired, which I was for about a year and a half after a long career, and before I came to QMS, I was in Vancouver, and I, I was in touch with an old friend of mine who was a former parent, and I, he said, come around for a coffee. I went to his office, and he had just not long, started the Stigma-Free Society, and he was telling me all about it, and he told me this incredibly powerful story about how he was bullied when he was in Grade Four because his parents were a wealthy family and so on. And he was put in a garbage bin and couldn't get out, and he was kicked around the place. And when he told me the story, this is a very successful 62 year-old man, he he started crying. And when what he forgot was that he had actually told me the story 10 years before, and when he told me that time, he cried too. So when I, when I started thinking about how I felt about bullying and how I felt about inclusiveness and stigmatisation and so on, this made all the sense in the world. So I joined the board. And then a few months later, of course, I started here at QMS, and I thought, hmm I'm going to float the idea of, if anybody's interested in Stigma-Free as a society, and then the concept of it. So fortunately, a couple of teachers were. And picked up the ball, and they became the sponsor teachers for the Stigma-free Club, and the students just took the idea and ran with it. And so here we are, five years on, and it's going as strongly as it's ever done.
Merle Massie 5:43
That is an absolutely incredible story. Thank you so much for sharing that. Oceana, can I ask you as a co captain, what drew you to join the Stigma-free Club?
Oceana Jarvis 5:56
So I joined the Stigma-free Club when I first got to this school. I came here in Grade 11, and I was so nervous about making new friends, and it's a smaller school. So I was worried people had already, you know, had their own, like cliques. And I found out about the Stigma-free Club from another student, and I joined, and instantly it was like this amazing community of people who just wanted to be friends with you. And they wanted to meet new friends and share kindness. And I really loved that, and it was, it's just been such a positive part of my experience at QMS, and I wanted to create that space for other people who were coming in here, and it's been really amazing.
Merle Massie 6:46
That's phenomenal. Delphine, can I ask you what drew you to the club?
Delphine Koyote 6:53
Yeah, so I joined the club in Grade 10, but my involvement with the club in Grade 10 was very. I was on again, off again, not sure if I wanted to be in it. Not because the environment wasn't amazing and kind and pulled people in, because the teacher who runs it, Miss T, was like, you need, you want, and you should do this. Such a supporting person and a role model, really. And she really wanted me to be a part of it. And I wanted to be, but was also unsure about wanting to commit fully. And then, Oshie came to the school in Grade 11, and we actually became really fast friends, because I went a couple of times and got to know her, and then she was like, no, no, you have to come with me. Come with me. And she has really supported me in embracing it. And pushed me to also apply to be a captain this year. And so I'd say, yeah, good friends are really what drew me to it
Merle Massie 8:02
That friendship piece is always a big piece. Angela, what drew you to the Stigma-free Club?
Angela Feng 8:09
So I arrived in QMS in grade 11, and I met, instantly, met a bunch of friends. And they told me about the Stigma-free Club and insisted that I should have joined. So I took the chance and opportunity and I joined and I found out that this is an absolutely amazing group of people. They're willing to help people and make the world into a better place. So I was like, I just got more and more into it, and felt like I should use part of what I have to also help some more support, like the community. So that's kind of how I got into the Stigma-free Club.
Merle Massie 8:46
Why do you think schools should have a Stigma-free Club? What, what are some of the goals, or some of the things that you see that the club does, that makes that's making a difference?
Angela Feng 8:58
I think that every school should have a supportive piece like the secretary club. First thing, it comes from students to students. We are more closer. We are able to understand what other students might need. And also, it's a easier communication, because we, we are all like friends, kind of. Like everybody in the school. We're all like, linked. So from my perspective, come and coming from students, it's easier for us to make an actual impact and also to better support students that actually need the help from a community like this.
Delphine Koyote 9:37
I think that having a student run club with the support of teachers who really care, has, like, changed the environment of QMS. And has just really helped foster the kindness that is so true to our values. And with the friendship part, like we are all interlinked, It's a mix of grades, mix of people, mix of values, mix of opinions, and it's just something that every school should have, because it will change your community.
Merle Massie 10:14
That's phenomenal. Oceana, I have a question for you. Can you tell me a couple of your favourite stories about things that the Stigma-free Club has done and the impact that you've seen?
Oceana Jarvis 10:28
One of my favourite parts of it is the amount of fundraising we do for charities here in the Cowichan community. So we had each club member research a charity that they're really passionate about and they got to present it to our club. And we had so many local charities that we all wanted to support and raise money for, and we voted as a club, and we ended up with Cowichan Women Against Violence. And I think it's so much more impactful for the students in our club, and for us to fundraise for charities that we're truly passionate about and that we really want to support. So I love that piece. I love that I get to give back to not only the QMS community, but also the Cowichan community, and we get to make a difference.
Delphine Koyote 11:18
We do this ice cream sundae sale for, we raise for money for autism awareness. And, and it is like the most fun. We sell to both the senior school students and the, like, junior school students who as senior school students, we don't necessarily get to interact with a bunch. So when we get to do this ice cream sale, it's super fun to get to see all these kids who are just so excited and happy to be here and be there. And it's just a super fun day. And last week, it was sunny and nice, and everybody was just having a great time. We do chapel presentations, so that's in front of, you do like three chapel presentations in front of different grades throughout the week. And then we will sometimes go into classrooms and give presentations on certain topics, like kindness, you know, anti bullying, usually coinciding with a month or, yeah, just a time period. And we get to go into, we, I think we've also gone into junior school and done some presentations with them as well.
Merle Massie 12:31
Spreading your impact across multiple grades and getting right in front of people. That's fantastic. Instead of them just coming to you and having to join the club. Also you reaching out to them and talking about who you are and what you do. I think that that's phenomenal. David, what has been the impact of the Stigma-free Club on the school and the school's culture?
David Robertson 12:51
So I would say it's been really considerable, because what it's done is, it's sort of quietly and very effectively reinforced the values and the culture that we're trying to create, right? So we chose be kind as our first value. So it was that it was an act, it was a call to action. So be kind, be curious, be brave. Get out your comfort zone and be you. Like, don't try and be anybody else. Just be you, right? So Stigma-free, just our students and our teachers and our community can embrace those quite easily. I don't think there would be a student in the school that, that doesn't know that we stand for 'Be kind', right? Because you can refer to all the time, right? You can, you can actually call somebody on it and say, hang on a second here. That's, doesn't really fit under the 'be kind' bit, does it? And, and they get it right? And so I guess the Stigma-free Club and some of the presentations, and just the very identity of it reinforces that we're an inclusive community, that we care about people's mental health, that we care about how people treat each other. So that's been the joy of it, and to watch the students take ownership. Because, as we know in schools, that the most effective way to get things happening is to have the students take it and run with it. Because, as the girls pointed out, that you know, students talking to students, students inspiring other students, is more effective than adults talking to them. So, yeah, I think that's that's it.
Merle Massie 14:39
Why call it the Stigma-free Club? And have you ever thought about calling it the friendship club, or the some of the very powerful -- the Be Brave, Be Powerful, Be Kind, the be kind club. I'm just curious. There's, there's a, there's a real impact to what you name the club. How do you feel about that? What does it help you think about?
Oceana Jarvis 15:04
I think the fact that we call it the Stigma-free Club adds some depth to it, because, you know, whereas, like a Be Kind Club, where I think focusing on the fact that there IS stigma, and we're addressing it, and we're standing up against it. And there IS unkind behaviour in schools. And there is, I think, recognising this piece, and then saying, Okay, well, now, what are we going to do about it? And how are we going to stop that in our school community? I really like that part of it. I think, you know, it could be called the Be Kind club, because that sort of is what we do. But at the same time, there's a certain amount of recognising that, and recognising the stigma, understanding what it is, educating others on what it is, and then providing solutions and providing strategies against it.
Merle Massie 16:03
I would love to know, has anyone ever told you a story about how your club has made a difference with them?
Oceana Jarvis 16:10
Um, yeah. So I the something that's really special to me is all of the Grade Eight's in our club, because they're the future leaders. And knowing that you can change their lives or change just even their day is so wonderful. And so I had a Grade Eight student come up to me, I think a month ago, and said, like, you know, I came here this year, and sort of a similar story to me, where you have those nerves about making friends and whether or not you'll belong in the community. And she said that Stigma-free gave her a place to like come eat lunch when she was nervous about who she could eat lunch with, and instantly she found some friends in our club. And it just warmed my heart and made me so happy, because that was really what I set out to do when our teachers asked us if we could be captains, and I wanted to make sure that somebody had a similar story to me, where the Stigma-free Club could help them feel like they belong.
David Robertson 17:15
I remember the moment, and it was after we had done presentations and things in these gatherings that Delphine referred to. At the end of it, I was just saying thank you to people, and he put his hand up. And I I said, Oh, Paul, yeah. He said, Mr. Robertson, can I say something? And, and I said, Sure, sure. Not really sure what he was going to say, like he's going to ask what's for lunch or something, you know? So he, he actually stood up and and he said, I just want everybody to know that, that I'm on the autism spectrum, and so if I don't respond in the way that you expect me to, don't be offended. I'm not, I'm not being rude. It's just, it just comes with my autism. And I went, Whoa! Like you know, that to me was was progress. I thought that he has the courage, or he feels secure enough in this community to share that? To me, that was a huge, big tick in the box are we making progress in this whole notion of combating stigma?
Merle Massie 18:35
The students in the Stigma-free Club made a video, and David shared it with us at Hay Are We Okay? It features that same student, Paul.
Paul 18:47
I got involved in the Stigma-free Club because, like, I heard about it one day, and I was thinking, huh, this is something I could probably advocate for. And it was a bit quiet at first. But like, I remember around last April, I decided to partake in a, like, presentation about autism awareness, and I feel like that was my first true mark on the club for Autism Awareness Month. Both last year and this year, I've been able to like spread the word by doing public speaking through the school. And this year I'm looking at doing public speaking with like the junior school and going around the community, and actually like talking about autism and my experiences. And it's a really great way to help raise awareness of problems in society, and you can do a great part in reducing the stigmas that surround them. I feel like something I've learned from being in part of the Stigma-free Club is self advocacy, like, not just for myself, but for others who who are in there for whatever reason, like if they have to deal with LGBTQ issues, or if they, like, need something to input my input their voices, like I. I guess you could say it's a safe haven.
Merle Massie 20:04
So let's go back to the kids in Duncan. I asked, What has being part of the Stigma-free Club taught you? Oceana chimed in.
Oceana Jarvis 20:16
Stigma-free has taught me so many valuable life lessons. And I think part of joining a club was addressing the stigma that I carry around every day. And you know, you can think that you're a stigma-free person, and then you really get to learning about it, and you kind of have to confront yourself about, oh, what are these unconscious bias things that I have, that I'm carrying around every day? And letting those things go. So I think that will probably be my biggest life lesson, moving into like post-secondary and after being in the Stigma-free Club, is making sure that I walk around and meet people and interact people with treating everybody equally and checking my own bias. And making sure that I'm always like open and kind and something that I really like, that we say in the Stigma-free Club, is make sure everyone feels seen, heard and supported. And I think carrying that into my next steps of my journey will be one of the biggest things.
Delphine Koyote 21:26
I think my one big takeaway from the Stigma-free Club is that it costs nothing to be kind, and it costs you nothing like to not stigmatize people. From, speaking from my own perspective, I have been super impacted by the club. And I have really, it has really helped me open up more and be, I think, a kinder person. Because before, when I first came to school, I think I was very shut off and a little bit upset that I had to leave public school and my friends behind to come here, and then, I think, over time, and especially after I joined the club, I just kind of learned to be more open and accepting of others and of myself, to be kind and to not stigmatise, honestly, costume that thing, and you feel like a better person, and the people around you feel like better people because of it.
David Robertson 22:27
Seriously, I'm just so I'm so proud of the girls, actually, just as you would expect me to be. Just just listening to the impact that it's made. Because it's like everything else, it starts with a thought, maybe starts with a conversation, and then you just don't know where, where that leads. Whoever can lead. Everybody has this notion that goes through their head at some point about changing the world, so why don't we start with the world right round about us? The world that's right there in front of us every day. And if we start trying to change that world, then we don't know the ramifications of that.
Merle Massie 23:07
And where it's going to go. Thank you so much for meeting with me today. You guys are phenomenal and doing great work.
Oceana Jarvis 23:14
Thank you so much. It was such a cool experience.
Angela Feng 23:18
Thank you so much for having us.
Delphine Koyote 23:19
Thank you.
David Robertson 23:20
Really enjoyed meeting you. Thank you. Merle
Merle Massie 23:24
David Robertson was the head of school at Queen Margaret School in Duncan, British Columbia when we spoke last year. Oceana Jarvis and Delphine Koyote were the co-captains of the Stigma-free Club. Angela Feng was also a member.
Those kids in Duncan, they inspired me so much. They had so much to say about their club. They were so excited. They had such insight to share. I was so interested in this idea that I reached out to Andrea Paquette, who's the president and co founder of the stigma free Mental Health Society, and I asked her to join me today on the podcast, Andrea, hello.
Andrea Paquette 24:14
Hello. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited for this conversation today.
Merle Massie 24:19
One of the things that I know because I live in a rural community is that there's, there's an increased sense of, say, isolation. You're a long, you can be a long way from help. And that we also know, because the research has been pretty clear, that there is a higher level of stigma in rural communities. Andrea, you've got a lot of work and a lot of heft in rural space. What does it look like in rural communities? And in particular, what's happening with rural youth?
Andrea Paquette 24:47
They're reaching out to us, telling us that their youth are suffering. They need connection beyond their phones. They need to reach out to each other and create that type of connection that is so vital for mental health. And so when I think of rural communities, wouldn't it be amazing if we could plant and ignite many Stigma-Free clubs across Canada? And what this would mean is that people in the communities would recognise these groups of kids, as you know, doing good. Raising money for charities, or teaching the younger generation about mental health. But Stigma-Free isn't just about mental health, it's overall wellness as well, and getting those conversations out there that are really important. And Merle, there is a lot of stigma, as you said, and so getting the conversation around mental well being, mental health and awareness is vital for these kids.
Merle Massie 25:47
Yeah, so when kids take it on themselves, you know, and you know, take whatever pieces of it that speak to them and build whatever works for them. What I like about those, something as official as a club, is that it's like, okay, we're meeting on Wednesdays at noon, there's going to be food. Drop on by, right? So it creates that open door where kids can drop in and come and it's predictable. Maybe they don't feel comfortable this week or next week, but maybe they're quietly thinking about it and building themselves up. And maybe in a couple of weeks time, they're going to be able to feel up to dropping in and being there. And that's the advantage of a place like a club that's meeting at a specific place, specific time, really predictable. Door's open. Come on by. What I like about the Stigma-Free club is that it deliberately creates a space that goes across multiple grades. And so that's something that I think is, you know, important to shine a light on. Another piece is that school is a connector place. It's a connector space, and so allowing kids to think about and come together within that school space, because that's also the space where a lot of the stigma happens, right? You know? So they're going to there's taunts, there's teasing, you know, there's bullying, there's all of those sorts of things. And so this becomes a very active way, from what I hear, and please correct me if I'm misunderstanding, but to me, it sounds like a very active way for kids to stand up and say, That's not the kind of school we want. We are creating this space because we want a particular kind of school. Take that idea and run with it. Andrea.
Andrea Paquette 27:20
Yeah for sure. I've been told time and time again that a stigma free environment is best created by the students themselves. As adults, as teachers, as school counsellors, we can tell them what to do, but truly, they need to own it and then create the Stigma-Free environments within their heart, within their schools, and that acceptance with their peers. So we have seen proof of this. And if we're going to talk about stigma, the best way to eliminate it, ease it, even if that's as much as we do, is to have these clubs take charge. And it has worked.
Merle Massie 27:56
Brilliant. Love to hear it.
Now, Andrea and I had a wide ranging conversation, but we both knew that the kids from Duncan did the best job explaining why their club works so well. There is one exception, though, the words that we use matter, and that's something that Andrea and her crew have already thought about.
Sometimes, if we don't have the words, we can't form the thought. Now that may sound really simple, but it's actually quite profound. If we don't have the words to say what's in our hearts. They never it never really comes out. It has no way of showing up in the world and making change. And so one of the things that I see with your framework and with some of the work that you've put into creating these stigma free clubs, is that it allows the kids to learn a little bit and get that vocabulary, get get the words that they need to say what's in their hearts.
Andrea Paquette 29:03
Yeah, and we have a mental health glossary, actually, at the student mental health toolkit, it's extremely valuable. A lot of people don't understand, like, what's a psychologist? Who? What is bipolar? Having the language Merle? That is such a good point, because it allows people to have power. And good power within their hearts and within them to know what they're talking about, right? And then you can educate other people. So I really highly recommend for people, not just to check out our Stigma-Free clubs, but we also offer virtual presentations with people with lived experience of mental health issues and overcoming stigma and mental health literacy in rural communities. So we can zoom in anywhere which is amazing and cross those geographical barriers. So the Stigma-Free Club is an option. Our virtual presentations. And we want people to know that at Stigma-Free Mental Health we're here for you.
Merle Massie 30:04
Andrea, thank you so much for joining us on the Hay Are We Okay? podcast. Thank you so much.
Andrea Paquette 30:09
It was a pleasure being here, and I'm deeply appreciative.
Merle Massie 30:13
Andrea Paquette is the president and co founder of the Stigma-Free Mental Health Society. We're big fans. We invite you to check out their toolkits and resources. We'll put a link in our show notes.
I love hearing stories about what's happening on your farm and what you think of this podcast. Send them to feedback@domore.ag. I had a listener who recently wrote in and said "I loved the interview from February 2, my husband actually listened to it with me over coffee that morning. He was in tears most of the time because he kept remembering his dad, who passed away two years ago. He was stuck in that coffee shop, toxic litter box. Talk about politics, but what insight? When you said it's because they feel powerless, makes so much sense, and it can help us understand our other ageing parents, that loneliness is definitely a killer." She also let me know that she's going to pass on the Men's Shed idea into her community. We are so excited to know that the ideas and the inspiration that we share here at the Hay Are We Okay podcast are starting to take flight.
If you have thoughts about our podcast, if you want to share a story from your farm of something fun that you're doing, we'd love to hear from you. Again, that email is feedback@domore.ag
Hay Are We Okay? is brought to you by the Do More Agriculture Foundation with generous support from the Agco Foundation. To learn more about what we do, visit domore.ag D, O, M, O, R, E dot ag, if you think more people should hear this podcast, share it or give us a review. Follow us on socials and join our mailing list. Together, we can build a culture where we ask Hay Are We Okay? Because together is a good place to be. I'm Merle Massie, catch you next time.